So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
