Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
