It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
