How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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