watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
