Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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