Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
