He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
