walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Found the puke drawer
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
