dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
