i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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