Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
