A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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