he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
