Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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