Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
