Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
