Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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