my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
