Sacagawea was the original milf.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
