I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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