True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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