i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
