We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You ruined the universe
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
