There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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