I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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