Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
