"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
