i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
