The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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