he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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