He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
