Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Your cock deserves a montage
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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