I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
