Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
