I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
