Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
