Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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