Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
