In the future we'll all be gay
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
