so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
