I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
