i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
