your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
a search helicopter?!
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
