I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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