I feel like I'm in dance class right now
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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