You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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