she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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