yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
