Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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