please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
