Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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